I know who I used to be. Pre-kids I was a teacher who was passionate about educating the children in her care. I taught bilingual children and frequently, I was a parent's first experience with American public schools. I happily thought of myself as the American ambassador to these families and I worked hard for the interactions to be positive and encouraging. I loved my job. I loved speaking Spanish. I loved the challenge of teaching 2nd graders--making literature come alive, guiding them as they learned new concepts, facilitating as they learned how to get along in a group and take pride of what we accomplished together. It was good. And then it came time to be a mom.
As a mom of 3 boys, I haven't "had the tiger by the tail" like I felt like I did teaching. The good thing is that I've learned humility and the Lord has taught me many amazing lessons during this season. A few: asking for help is good and not to be ashamed of. I don't have all the answers and that's OK. There is more than one right way to do things. Expecting perfection is not biblical--trusting God to be there during the mess is.
Those are just the first lessons that come to mind. What a blessing to look back at these past few years and see how the Lord has used my rowdy boys to sand down my sharp edges. He's not done, but my role of parent is shifting.
This is where I explain the photo above. As I'm looking at what I want in the next chapter of my life, the easy thing to do is be scared. I like what's comfortable and fear the unknown. Why? Because I like control. But, the Lord is calling me to trust Him as I step into the unknown.
I often find that my emotional batteries get drained but when I do something to recharge them, it falls short. Frustrating. So, in an effort to figure out what does recharge my batteries, I'm keeping a journal.
I got a gift card from Shutterfly for making calendars at Christmas so as I browsed, looking for a way to spend $15, I landed on the journals. On the front cover, there's a picture of my whole family, a picture a me and Aaron and a silly one of me and #3. I titled it "My Favorite Things" and I put a fave bible verse--"She is clothes in dignity and she smiles at the future. Proverbs 31:24." On the inside, I got dividers (super tricky to find at Target, but alas! I found them) and labelled the 5 senses and one extra with a flower. It's a place for me to record things I love.
I've read that your tastes change every 7 years. I've found that especially after pregnancy, I just prefer different tastes. Used to love Dr Pepper, now it's too sweet. I really like unsweet tea instead. If you're wondering what the flower tab is for, suffice it to say that sensuality is an important part of what God created us to be. Maybe I'll write more on that sometime, but that's all I'll go into today.
I'm enjoying my journal. I'm also going to write goals and use it just to celebrate who Laura is now.
As I've written this my boys have been snacking on Valentine candy they got from church today. I better wrap up before they get too much sugar ingested.
Jeremiah 29:11 promises that God has plans for a us--plans for a future. I love resting in that promise. Life doesn't end when a chapter ends. My prayer is that I can prayerfully trust God as I venture into this unknown new chapter and with His guidance, I can grow into the woman He designed me to be.
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