This week I gave a devotional to my MOPs discussion group leaders (I'm the team leader) that really gave me pause. I used an article from my MOPs magazine, MomSense, in which the author brilliantly states her name currently is Empty, was Perfect pre-kids but through soul-searching and prayer, has discovered her name is Loved. Her friend was Charisma, post-kids became Overcommitted and now, happily, is Accepted.
Cool. Made me want to share and discuss this with my girls. Great discussion followed with my group. Love that.
Hello, I'm Grumpy. I used to be Interesting, but now I use my "mean mommy" voice so often that it's pretty much become how I talk. Embarrassing.
After thinking about it, I bet I'm a lot like the author's friend, Accepted. Back in my glory days, I had lots of charisma. I was fun to be around. I thrived on the positive attention from others. Teaching elementary kids was a perfect fit for me. And then I had kids. Those moments that made me feel really worthy--getting a compliment from the principal, a note of thanks from a parent, a sweet hug from a student, the joy of watching the kids grow under my guidance--just stopped. Doing laundry doesn't give me the same zing. Yes, I enjoy my own kids' development and reaching their milestones, but it's just not the same.
I've recently realized that I wrongly base my worth on what I'm accomplishing. My default setting is to gain approval by achieving. I'm not quite sure where I picked that up, but I know it's wrong. I found myself at Thanksgiving feeling out of whack. Like I just didn't belong with the family. I would make myself take a deep breath and pray "Lord, you love me because you created me. I can't gain your love or earn it. Help me just live happily in you."
It wasn't a magic pill and it's a prayer I have to say often, but my grumpiness sure would disappear if I would live it instead of visiting it every so often.
I've decided my new name is Joyful. I feel like one of the 7 dwarves. I was Grumpy, have been Sleepy, Doc and Sneezy. Though never Bashful, and I was tempted to become Happy. But I've also learned that happiness is based on circumstances, like how my 3 year old chooses to behave in the library this morning. He chose poorly but do I have to be Grumpy because of him? I'm trying to learn that Joyful takes a deep breath, picks up the embarrassing kid, leaves the library, and chooses not to have a rotten day.
I took some time to scrapbook this afternoon. Success--I finished my Christmas pages! I love the process of scrapbooking and feeling of completion of a task accomplished well. It helps me recharge my batteries. I'm irritated that I'm out of page protectors for my scrapbook, but hey, that really is a minor detail. Grumpy would focus on that, but Joyful will choose to focus on the fun it was to create something beautiful that I love.
What's your name?
Friday, January 25, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Happy despite the water
This morning I'm thankful for margin. My fantastic in-laws were here last weekend and I can just tell that my emotional battery is fully charged. Good thing it is. After breakfast #1 told me he had used the potty and it didn't flush the paper down. Being the plumbing-challenged woman I am, I reflushed it. Why? Water gushed out, all over the floor. I just watched as water flowed.
I took a deep breath, thanked the Lord it stopped and that the room wasn't carpeted. I got a bunch of old towels and sopped up the water. I ran a load of laundry. I thought I had it all together when I realized our new puppy, Buddy (child #4) wasn't to be seen. He had gotten stuck in a boy's room with the door closed and yes, he had peed on the carpet. In his defense, this is his first accident at our house. We got him from the shelter and his previous family did a great job potty training him.
So I got yet another old towel and cleaned up that mess. Glad the washer was already going.
All this, and I'm still smiling. Gross things happen. Toilets get clogged. Dogs make messes. But God is still in control and I'm still blessed beyond measure.
Margin is really, really good.
I took a deep breath, thanked the Lord it stopped and that the room wasn't carpeted. I got a bunch of old towels and sopped up the water. I ran a load of laundry. I thought I had it all together when I realized our new puppy, Buddy (child #4) wasn't to be seen. He had gotten stuck in a boy's room with the door closed and yes, he had peed on the carpet. In his defense, this is his first accident at our house. We got him from the shelter and his previous family did a great job potty training him.
So I got yet another old towel and cleaned up that mess. Glad the washer was already going.
All this, and I'm still smiling. Gross things happen. Toilets get clogged. Dogs make messes. But God is still in control and I'm still blessed beyond measure.
Margin is really, really good.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Scrapbooking dilemma
I've discovered that even though I enjoy scrapbooking, I don't enjoy "documenting" our family events. Fall and Halloween pictures are always fun for me, but Christmas pics don't capture the spirit of the season for me so my Christmas pages aren't my faves. I'm going to see if I change that with the 2012 pages.
My twins played soccer for the first time last fall and suffice it to say it wasn't a hit. We finished the season and have tons of pictures to show for it, but the boys didn't excel at it nor did they enjoy it very much.
I'm poised to scrapbook on the fun soccer paper, but it feels dishonest to do these sparkling pages about something that was good and a growing experience, but not some rock star event for our family.
OK I'll be honest. I don't want to do soccer again. I want to NOT do it again because even though the boys don't recall how badly they behaved during practice (props to husband here who made them run wind sprints during practice when they misbehaved) and how much they didn't participate in the games, I do. And I don't want to do it again.
Just today #2 told me he wants to play soccer again. Yikes. I really thought he would remember not enjoying it. Nope.
Where is the justice?
As a rule after I finish some pages, the boys sit with me and we go through all the pages in that album. I'm tempted to go ahead and scrap the memories as are true but maybe not share the soccer pages with the boys for a while. Anyone think that makes me a mean mom?
---
After I posted this, I fed my family and sent the boys to bed. I then undertook the task of scrapbooking my soccer pages. It was fine. I put in the pictures, wrote in some brief captions, added a few stickers and then wrote in the lessons our family learned. They are as follows:
Do your best.
Be a team player.
Yes, the dirt mound is interesting. (It was on the side of the field and my boys were way more interested in it than the actual game. Other parents forbid their kids from playing on the mound, but ours loved looking for fossils. We used it as a bribe to get them to start the game on the field).
Finish what you start. (Boy, did they want to quit).
Dress warm on cold days.
Dad will make you run if you misbehave.
Mom gets grumpy if you misbehave.
Shin guards are irritating.
It's good to put on love to others players.
"Wow! That #7 is all over the field!"-- said by Rowdy's dad at the first game. Both twins had a #7 on his jersey and the dad didn't know there were twins.
My twins played soccer for the first time last fall and suffice it to say it wasn't a hit. We finished the season and have tons of pictures to show for it, but the boys didn't excel at it nor did they enjoy it very much.
I'm poised to scrapbook on the fun soccer paper, but it feels dishonest to do these sparkling pages about something that was good and a growing experience, but not some rock star event for our family.
OK I'll be honest. I don't want to do soccer again. I want to NOT do it again because even though the boys don't recall how badly they behaved during practice (props to husband here who made them run wind sprints during practice when they misbehaved) and how much they didn't participate in the games, I do. And I don't want to do it again.
Just today #2 told me he wants to play soccer again. Yikes. I really thought he would remember not enjoying it. Nope.
Where is the justice?
As a rule after I finish some pages, the boys sit with me and we go through all the pages in that album. I'm tempted to go ahead and scrap the memories as are true but maybe not share the soccer pages with the boys for a while. Anyone think that makes me a mean mom?
---
After I posted this, I fed my family and sent the boys to bed. I then undertook the task of scrapbooking my soccer pages. It was fine. I put in the pictures, wrote in some brief captions, added a few stickers and then wrote in the lessons our family learned. They are as follows:
Do your best.
Be a team player.
Yes, the dirt mound is interesting. (It was on the side of the field and my boys were way more interested in it than the actual game. Other parents forbid their kids from playing on the mound, but ours loved looking for fossils. We used it as a bribe to get them to start the game on the field).
Finish what you start. (Boy, did they want to quit).
Dress warm on cold days.
Dad will make you run if you misbehave.
Mom gets grumpy if you misbehave.
Shin guards are irritating.
It's good to put on love to others players.
"Wow! That #7 is all over the field!"-- said by Rowdy's dad at the first game. Both twins had a #7 on his jersey and the dad didn't know there were twins.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Project 2--to don't list
In project 2, the challenge is to make a "to-don't list" to free up more time as I do the Me Project.
I had actually started one of these thanks to the suggestion of a newspaper columnist. I had decided I wouldn't expect perfection from myself
There were 6 lines on the page for this, specific to the Me Project, so here they are:
1. Feel bad about how much TV my kids watch. I know many wonderful moms who leave the TV as ambient noise and their kids are fantastic. Personally, I don't like having a TV on and not watching it. The noise grates on my nerves. But it's OK if they watch a good show. Time to let that guilt go.
2. Simplify breakfast. We regularly eat eggs and waffles with a fruit at the end. Nice, but it takes a lot of time. It's OK to let them have cereal sometimes.
3. Let play-doh colors mix. Life really will go on if they do.
4. Let the chores wait. I'm funny about the DW. I don't like it to store clean dishes. They need to be put away. It's OK if they wait a bit.
5. Not rearrange the dirty dishes in the DW after husband puts them in. If they don't get clean, there will be another washing soon.
6. Be inflexible with mealtime prayer. I expect the boys to sit like little soldiers while we bless the meal and then they can eat. Unfortunately, I live with savages who start eating before the prayer is over. Yes, manners are important, but I think I can relax a bit on this one.
I had actually started one of these thanks to the suggestion of a newspaper columnist. I had decided I wouldn't expect perfection from myself
There were 6 lines on the page for this, specific to the Me Project, so here they are:
1. Feel bad about how much TV my kids watch. I know many wonderful moms who leave the TV as ambient noise and their kids are fantastic. Personally, I don't like having a TV on and not watching it. The noise grates on my nerves. But it's OK if they watch a good show. Time to let that guilt go.
2. Simplify breakfast. We regularly eat eggs and waffles with a fruit at the end. Nice, but it takes a lot of time. It's OK to let them have cereal sometimes.
3. Let play-doh colors mix. Life really will go on if they do.
4. Let the chores wait. I'm funny about the DW. I don't like it to store clean dishes. They need to be put away. It's OK if they wait a bit.
5. Not rearrange the dirty dishes in the DW after husband puts them in. If they don't get clean, there will be another washing soon.
6. Be inflexible with mealtime prayer. I expect the boys to sit like little soldiers while we bless the meal and then they can eat. Unfortunately, I live with savages who start eating before the prayer is over. Yes, manners are important, but I think I can relax a bit on this one.
Sally May the Grump
In Hank the Cowdog, Sally May is the rancher's wife. She has 2 young
kids and constant frustration with Hank, the cow dog. I get that Hank
needs an enemy and he has many--other dogs, coyotes, Pete the barn cat,
etc--but Sally May is the constant source of tension for him.
I am Sally May. Today I feel a cold coming on. I'm at about 60%. #2 is puny too at about 75% but numbers 1 and 3 are both at 110%. Where is the justice in that?
Enter Buddy, my very own Hank the Cowdog. He's a great fit for the family and Aaron has a spring in his step, having a dog again. But somehow I'm the one who gets to take kid toys out of his mouth. He's not super-chewy, but he has already taken out a handful of toys, the paint off the wall by the door and a nibble on a dining room chair. In just a few days.
I read a book called Margin last summer that makes the argument that we fill our lives so full that we don't have any room for margin. I think of Sally May. She's a shrew. We rarely see her be kind, caring or even nice to others in the book. Sometimes I wonder how Loper, the rancher, chose her to be his bride. And then I look in the rear view mirror at the grumpy redhead looking back at me.
Margin was different when Aaron and I were dating. I was at my best back then. I was interesting, well rested and full of fiest and life. Now I lose sight of being my best way too often. Instead, I focus on the frustrations of today like having a boy bathroom that constantly smells like a men's room urinal at any public restroom (according to Aaron), boys who bicker and not being left in peace to complete a thought. That said, I don't want to be Sally May.
I can't control much in this world, but I can control my attitude. I can take a deep breath and know that anything Buddy tears up isn't irreplacable. This is a great time to teach the boys the importance of being tidy. Real world consequences are headed their way.
This is also a great reminder for me to get working on my goal--figure out what recharges my batteries so that I can leave Sally May-land and get back to being the really special woman God made me to be.
I am Sally May. Today I feel a cold coming on. I'm at about 60%. #2 is puny too at about 75% but numbers 1 and 3 are both at 110%. Where is the justice in that?
Enter Buddy, my very own Hank the Cowdog. He's a great fit for the family and Aaron has a spring in his step, having a dog again. But somehow I'm the one who gets to take kid toys out of his mouth. He's not super-chewy, but he has already taken out a handful of toys, the paint off the wall by the door and a nibble on a dining room chair. In just a few days.
I read a book called Margin last summer that makes the argument that we fill our lives so full that we don't have any room for margin. I think of Sally May. She's a shrew. We rarely see her be kind, caring or even nice to others in the book. Sometimes I wonder how Loper, the rancher, chose her to be his bride. And then I look in the rear view mirror at the grumpy redhead looking back at me.
Margin was different when Aaron and I were dating. I was at my best back then. I was interesting, well rested and full of fiest and life. Now I lose sight of being my best way too often. Instead, I focus on the frustrations of today like having a boy bathroom that constantly smells like a men's room urinal at any public restroom (according to Aaron), boys who bicker and not being left in peace to complete a thought. That said, I don't want to be Sally May.
I can't control much in this world, but I can control my attitude. I can take a deep breath and know that anything Buddy tears up isn't irreplacable. This is a great time to teach the boys the importance of being tidy. Real world consequences are headed their way.
This is also a great reminder for me to get working on my goal--figure out what recharges my batteries so that I can leave Sally May-land and get back to being the really special woman God made me to be.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
The goal to go after
After praying and talking over my 50 goals with Aaron, I decided to go after figuring out what recharges my batteries.
I'm a pleaser. I was raised to be a "good girl" which has served me well in many ways, but I married a man who isn't a pleaser. No--he's a self pleaser. Don't get me wrong--he's not selfish. He's just really good at listening to himself about what makes him happy. I didn't realize until marriage how valuable that skill is and how lacking I am in it. Time to change that.
So, I'm wanting to figure out what delights my senses and just makes me happy. What tastes, sounds, smells, feels and looks wonderful to me. What a fun journey!
In The Me Project, there are 21 projects to guide you to achieve your goal. Project one is listing confirmations that this is a worthy goal. I journaled a bit on this, but the highlights include:
*my boys wear me down. A lot. Figuring out what recharges my batteries will help me get back to "happy mommy" more quickly.
*I'm at a transitional time in my life. I knew who I was as a single girl and really liked myself. Marriage threw me for a bit of a loop and motherhood has turned my world on its head. The other day at MOPs, we were challenged to remember that motherhood is a role we play, not our identity. Ouch. I have to remember who Laura is so I can step back into who I am fully, not just in the areas that yell the loudest. (mommy, wife in particular)
*I'm grouchy too often. That needs to change. God created me to be my best--Oscar the Grouch shouldn't be my model.
I'm a pleaser. I was raised to be a "good girl" which has served me well in many ways, but I married a man who isn't a pleaser. No--he's a self pleaser. Don't get me wrong--he's not selfish. He's just really good at listening to himself about what makes him happy. I didn't realize until marriage how valuable that skill is and how lacking I am in it. Time to change that.
So, I'm wanting to figure out what delights my senses and just makes me happy. What tastes, sounds, smells, feels and looks wonderful to me. What a fun journey!
In The Me Project, there are 21 projects to guide you to achieve your goal. Project one is listing confirmations that this is a worthy goal. I journaled a bit on this, but the highlights include:
*my boys wear me down. A lot. Figuring out what recharges my batteries will help me get back to "happy mommy" more quickly.
*I'm at a transitional time in my life. I knew who I was as a single girl and really liked myself. Marriage threw me for a bit of a loop and motherhood has turned my world on its head. The other day at MOPs, we were challenged to remember that motherhood is a role we play, not our identity. Ouch. I have to remember who Laura is so I can step back into who I am fully, not just in the areas that yell the loudest. (mommy, wife in particular)
*I'm grouchy too often. That needs to change. God created me to be my best--Oscar the Grouch shouldn't be my model.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
My 50 goals revised for 2013
- 31. Help empower other parents to raise their kids to know God's love.
32. Decorate my home in a way that represents our values.
33. Learn how to maintain my car.
34. Focus on the long range with my boys.
35. Use my Spanish blog to point others to Christ.
36. Teach others Spanish so that they can share God's love through it.37. Be physically active.
38. Stay in contact with friends.
39. Not allow my boys' choices to affect my attitude.
40. Get certified to teach Spanish.
41. Be joyful in giving.
42. Enjoy agriculture.
43. Wake up with a peaceful attitude.
44. Know my burning "yes" so I can say “no” easier.
45. Build margin into my days.
46. Let go of the plastic pearls so I'll be ready for the real ones God has for me. (Yes, deep thought there)
47. Figure out what recharges my batteries.
48. Be a blessing and be blessed as I serve on church committees.49. Prioritize tasks.
50. Smile at the future.
To welcome 2013, I did a scrapbook page celebrating my 50 goals that I've chosen for the next 50 years. Fun project. I know the text is too small for you to read, so I pasted them below. Some I've rewritten after further thought. It took 4 months for me to come up with these. I'm still not 100% pleased with these, but after 4 months I decided it was time to call it good and be at peace that I can keep adding as I go.
Now, my task is to choose 1 that I'm going to work on for the next 21 days with my book The Me Project. I thought it was going to be #31, but that's not working out quite like I thought due to some issues out of my control.
So, I'm prayerfully considering which of the other 49 to pursue. Feel free to vote on one. I would love to hear your thoughts.
Happy New Year!
1.
Kiss Aaron under the Eiffel Tower. (inspiration for the scrapbook paper, but not doable within the next 21 days)
2. Inspire others through writing a public blog. (you're reading the fruit of this labor)
3. Go to Canton with Traci.
4. Organize the toy closet.
5. Play tennis.
6. Organize my closet.
7. Find a love seat for my bedroom.
8. Have an inviting area on the back porch.
9. Write with beautiful handwriting.
10. Share dinnertime conversation.
11. Swim in the ocean with my boys.
12. Connect with other moms through a Christian book club.
13. Enjoy my sons' birthday parties.
14. Honor Christ at Christmas.
2. Inspire others through writing a public blog. (you're reading the fruit of this labor)
3. Go to Canton with Traci.
4. Organize the toy closet.
5. Play tennis.
6. Organize my closet.
7. Find a love seat for my bedroom.
8. Have an inviting area on the back porch.
9. Write with beautiful handwriting.
10. Share dinnertime conversation.
11. Swim in the ocean with my boys.
12. Connect with other moms through a Christian book club.
13. Enjoy my sons' birthday parties.
14. Honor Christ at Christmas.
15.
Go on a mission trip where I can use my Spanish to share God's
love.
16. Take the boys to see my family's ancestry land (in Arkansas, not Scotland).
17. Warmly greet all visitors to our Sunday School class at church.
18. Organize the upstairs room that's currently a wreck.
19. Crochet a blanket.
20. Scrapbook as an act of joy and leaving a legacy.
21. Enjoy nature during long, leisurely walks. (I bought new sneakers last week thinking of this goal)
22. Learn to water ski.
16. Take the boys to see my family's ancestry land (in Arkansas, not Scotland).
17. Warmly greet all visitors to our Sunday School class at church.
18. Organize the upstairs room that's currently a wreck.
19. Crochet a blanket.
20. Scrapbook as an act of joy and leaving a legacy.
21. Enjoy nature during long, leisurely walks. (I bought new sneakers last week thinking of this goal)
22. Learn to water ski.
23.
Organize my kitchen pantry.
24. Be the best wife I can be.
25. Be fun with my boys.
26. Be intentional about memorizing Scripture.
27. Learn to decorate cakes.
28. Enter a writing contest.
29. Use a knife quickly and confidently.
30. Enjoy down time on the weekends.
24. Be the best wife I can be.
25. Be fun with my boys.
26. Be intentional about memorizing Scripture.
27. Learn to decorate cakes.
28. Enter a writing contest.
29. Use a knife quickly and confidently.
30. Enjoy down time on the weekends.
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