My road

I'm really bad at comparing myself to others.  Where do we learn this?  Why do I think I have to be perfect at everything I do?  I don't expect of my kids but somehow I expect it of myself.  Silly.

Last night instead of teaching the kids music at church, someone else taught while I helped with behavior.  Back in the fall, K asked if she could teach the kids a special Mother's Day song.  She is an elementary music teacher and doesn't get to teach this song anymore at school.  She wanted to teach it to our kids.  Lovely.

Last night was her first night with them and she was magical.  I love when I get to watch someone who loves what they do and is really, really good at it.  This was what I saw.

The parent in me was thrilled that my own sons were in the group of kids who were blessed by this lesson about moms.  The insecure perfectionist in me wondered why I'm not as magical as K.

Well, K is a professional music teacher and has been for 25 years.  She has taught this song and huge groups of kids very successfully for many years.  This is what God called her to do and she does it joyfully.

God called me to other things.  Not her things.  I have to remind myself to stay on the road God made for me and not try to jump onto someone else's road.

I wish my road were more glamorous sometimes but I'm learning that contentment with the road God has given me is the lesson I need to learn now.  I'm figuring out a new job.  Not easy.  My boys are moving into a new phase of growing up which requires me to change a bit in the way I parent them.  Boo.  I just barely got a handle on the last phase and no one asked my permission to change things up.

My prayer:  that I can lay my pride down at Jesus's feet and instead of feeling comfort in my own successes, lean into Him to navigate my own road to His glory.

Mad

A few years ago I read that if your "mad" seemed disproportionate to the things that were upsetting you it was probably worth some thought. 

Well, I'm a passionate person.  My "mad" ignites quickly and I can go from 1 to 9 very quickly. If I could use it for good it would be an awesome super power.  It's not. 

I married a man who is the opposite.  I like to say I'm the fire to his ice.  Sometimes I think he doesn't really value my passionate spirit and nature;  I think it's more annoying than anything to him.  We now have a tween who can also go from 1 to 9 annoyingly quickly and I get how it's not a personality trait to admire.

I heard someone advise once that when you find yourself at a 9, take a moment to take a deep breath and remind yourself that in the grand scheme of God's eternity this was really not a 9.  I actually make myself think (and say out loud if I'm with my boys) "in the grand scheme of God's eternity, this is really a __".  Usually it's about a 0.3 if I'm really honest.  Just going through this helps diffuse my mad.

That was in momland.  I'm now in the working world where I have to behave professionally.  Boo.  The other day I was teaching a college class and I got irritated with something and I snapped.  Not a huge deal;  I doubt the students really noticed that I snapped.  I hid it well.  But the mad was still there.

So why am I mad?  Injustice.  Disrespect.  Meanness.  Bad drivers.  Awful fashion trends.  Getting grey hair.  Uncomfortable shoes.  Having an out of tune piano and forgetting to call the piano tuner.  Entitlement.  The fact that food that tastes really good many times isn't very good for you.  Mass shootings.  Those really throw me.  I pray for the safety of my family, but it's still a horrible reminder of just how awful this world is.  I tell my boys often that on this side of heaven, life is going to be unfair.  It's one thing to say it to my kids and another to trust God with the uncertainty of tomorrow.

I'm sure my passionate nature serves me well;  I think I my "highs" are higher than those of my husband.  However, on the flip side I'm sure my "lows" feel lower.  I think the lows are connected to the "mad."  Writing on this blog helps me shine the light on the mad, analyze it and then let it go.  I also like to play the piano and sing really loud to get the mad out.  I typically do that when my family is gone.  It's not terribly lovely but it sure helps me feel good.

Dabbing Unicorns

Ah, unicorns.  As a mom of all boys I don't get lots of opportunities to be in the world of unicorns.

Side tangent...we play Dungeons and Dragons as a family and I have the honor of being the Dungeon Master.  (If you're unfamiliar with this, it means I'm the narrator of our adventure and I can throw weird stuff in when I feel like it).  I was joking with my husband that I would enjoy this adventure more if there were unicorns.  Alas, he showed me in the Monster Manual that there are in fact unicorns and if I choose to bring one in they'll be in our adventure.  Score!

Anyway, at Christmas I put a handful of "Choose kind" t-shirts on my Amazon wish list.  I love the book (and movie) Wonder and like the thought of reminding the world to be kind through my fashion choices.

My youngest son was looking over my shoulder as I chose and noticed a pink shirt with a rainbow-colored unicorn doing the dab.  Oh my.  It looked like something a 9-year-old would wear proudly.  And somehow I got it for Christmas.

When I wear this t-shirt I feel like I'm dressing too young for my age and I feel a little silly.  However, my son loves it when I wear it and even more than that, it reminds me to embrace the fun of life and not care what others think.  There are so many rules in life that I feel like I have to follow.  It's fun to just wear a silly shirt.

At the donut shop the cashier told me she loved my unicorn shirt.  :)  Me, too.