Crackling fire

As I write this, the TV is set to the crackling fireplace as Christmas music plays.  Somehow that's really relaxing and nice.

I'm having a weird December.  I'm calling it my slacker December because I'm trying really hard not to force "Christmas cheer" on myself or my family.  The trouble is that I bounce from being completely "unChristmassy" (meaning I'm not doing anything for the holidays) to becoming crazy Christmas weirdo lady ordering her husband around and being generally unpleasant. 

In years past I've used my Christmas organizing binder to help me plan the holidays.  Its cons were obvious to my husband--it made me be way too ambitious about what we could do in a month.  I had this weird need to do every activity I saw in magazines, have the perfect Christmas card and somehow put reindeer glitter over everything in my home.  Clearly, a recipe for disaster. 

So, this year I've intentionally not touched the binder.  It's been freeing, but I know in the back of my head that many things have to happen before Dec 24.  I'm a big believer in teacher thank you gifts.  I actually enjoy doing these and this year I'm doing a baked/ish good for them that I'm excited about.  But they won't magically make themselves, be prettified in their wrapping or be at the right place at the right time without me planning.

So, today my boys are at MDO.  Instead of scurrying around town, I'm home.  I did some Christmas cards as I listened to my favorite Christmas CD.  I plan to make the white chocolate pretzel goodies in a bit.  But for now, I'm taking a deep breath.  The weirdly hypnotic fire on the TV is helping. 

At a deeper level, I know today my spirit just needs to mend a bit.  I found out the sister of a dear friend passed away last weekend.  Even though I only met the sweet lady once, the hurt for my friend takes a toll on me.  So today I'll play the piano a bit.  Somehow that helps me vent my emotions.  There's something about playing songs of the faith as I sing along that just helps me feel like God is patting me on the shoulder, reminding me that even when my heart is heavy, he's here.  Barb is in heaven with him, singing right along with me.

And then I think I'll get out the binder.  Maybe not.  We'll just see.