Mad

A few years ago I read that if your "mad" seemed disproportionate to the things that were upsetting you it was probably worth some thought. 

Well, I'm a passionate person.  My "mad" ignites quickly and I can go from 1 to 9 very quickly. If I could use it for good it would be an awesome super power.  It's not. 

I married a man who is the opposite.  I like to say I'm the fire to his ice.  Sometimes I think he doesn't really value my passionate spirit and nature;  I think it's more annoying than anything to him.  We now have a tween who can also go from 1 to 9 annoyingly quickly and I get how it's not a personality trait to admire.

I heard someone advise once that when you find yourself at a 9, take a moment to take a deep breath and remind yourself that in the grand scheme of God's eternity this was really not a 9.  I actually make myself think (and say out loud if I'm with my boys) "in the grand scheme of God's eternity, this is really a __".  Usually it's about a 0.3 if I'm really honest.  Just going through this helps diffuse my mad.

That was in momland.  I'm now in the working world where I have to behave professionally.  Boo.  The other day I was teaching a college class and I got irritated with something and I snapped.  Not a huge deal;  I doubt the students really noticed that I snapped.  I hid it well.  But the mad was still there.

So why am I mad?  Injustice.  Disrespect.  Meanness.  Bad drivers.  Awful fashion trends.  Getting grey hair.  Uncomfortable shoes.  Having an out of tune piano and forgetting to call the piano tuner.  Entitlement.  The fact that food that tastes really good many times isn't very good for you.  Mass shootings.  Those really throw me.  I pray for the safety of my family, but it's still a horrible reminder of just how awful this world is.  I tell my boys often that on this side of heaven, life is going to be unfair.  It's one thing to say it to my kids and another to trust God with the uncertainty of tomorrow.

I'm sure my passionate nature serves me well;  I think I my "highs" are higher than those of my husband.  However, on the flip side I'm sure my "lows" feel lower.  I think the lows are connected to the "mad."  Writing on this blog helps me shine the light on the mad, analyze it and then let it go.  I also like to play the piano and sing really loud to get the mad out.  I typically do that when my family is gone.  It's not terribly lovely but it sure helps me feel good.