Lessons learned

As I'm working through this book, Restless, I can say that reflecting back on my happiest memories was way more enjoyable than reflecting back to times of suffering.

I loved listing proudly my happy times.  Who wouldn't?  I'm not going to do the same with times of suffering.  Suffice it to say that in comparison to how evil this world can be, my road has been very easy.  Not perfect, but I have much to be grateful for.

The author pointed out a beautiful point that justified going down the not fun paths of memory lane:  "In the messiest waste of our lives comes the most fertile soil."  --Jennie Allen from Restless.  Wow.  That's a really profound statement.

I was adopted as a baby.  My parents were unable to have children and were thrilled to be able to adopt my older brother and me.  I know I'm loved by them but in my heart of hearts I've always felt like I had to earn their love.  I'm a people pleaser and I think it's because I want to earn the acceptance of those around me.  This often includes God.  In the faith versus works discussion, I really like works.  I can make a checklist and check those things off.  Yes, I know my legalistic bend isn't of God.  As I've matured in my faith I've found that it's sinful. 

I love that I married a non-people pleaser.  It's wonderfully freeing to watch him say no and feel no guilt.  He confuses my mom who really believes all people are people pleasers except those who choose to be rude.  Sons 1 and 3 are pleasers.  Son 2 often confuses her as well.

My love language is words of affirmation.  It should be no surprise that I offer words of encouragement to people very regularly because it's what I want to hear.

My heart breaks for the lonely, the sad, the downtrodden, the one just on the outside.  I asked my husband once what part of the body of Christ I am.  My friend Jenny is clearly the heart as she mercifully helps in any way she can.  Anna is the smile as hospitality and offering true warmth is natural to her.  He replied in a way that made me glad I married him, "You're the arms.  You open your arms to all and make them feel welcomed."  How beautiful to be understood.

It wasn't fun to recall those sad and painful moments in my life, but it helped me see that they've had a part of shaping me into who I am.  God uses all for good, even the dark blots we wish weren't there.