Since writing my last post, I heard back from many friends encouraging me as I figure out Laura 2.0. I also downloaded an ebook of Restless by Jennie Allen per the recommendations of two different people. It addresses exactly where I am. I'm two chapters in now and would recommend it.
This weekend, I need to update my resume. I haven't done that in quite a while. The good thing is that my husband is very good at things like computer formatting and being able to put lots of bang into very few words. Helpful skills that tax me quite a bit.
I'm not a fan of resumes. I get why they're important, but I'm a girl of many words. It's tricky to express all I want to say in a short phrase. Another tricky thing about resumes is that they are to be job-specific. I imagine an arrow pointed directly at a target and the purpose of the piece of paper is to summarize exactly why you are the perfect fit for this job.
I won't go into specifics, but an opportunity has come my way that could be the answer to my prayer for part-time employment for next fall. The resume will be for this purpose.
My prayer for this: Lord, grant me the wisdom to accomplish the task of writing this resume in a way that honors you. Help me not let worry, pride or any other thing that's not of you get in the way of your purpose. Thanks for loving me. Amen.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
My existential crisis
A few weeks ago I heard a speaker at our MOPs meeting that really challenged me. She's a world changer. She's taken on the issue of sex trafficking and she's doing a lot to rid the world of that evil stench. She's doing all this while being a mom of kids not that much older than mine.
She shared her story of how over the last 4 years she's been able to follow God's call to create a ministry to these girls pulled into the sex trade. As she spoke, I was encouraged, inspired, but also really humbled. What am I doing to change the world? I play board games with my 4 year old a lot. I make lots of meals. I grocery and everything else shop. Laundry gets done. Friends are visited. Lots of time and energy go into church.
Yes, I get it--in the season of having small kids, my mission field is my children. Sometimes it's hard to feel a lot of satisfaction in folding laundry or reminding them once again to feed the dog. I've accepted that during this season of my life, my focus is on them and I've worked hard to be content with that calling.
But now, that season is coming to a close. 3 kids is more than enough for me. I know we're done. I taught elementary before kids and I've always known I would eventually go back to something to help earn a wage when the time was right. Even more than that, I miss teaching. I miss the fellowship of the other teachers. I miss the connections I made with the kids. I miss lots of things about teaching that I won't list now. But that was 7 years ago. I've heard lots of things about teaching have changed, not to mention I still have 3 children that I will need to dress, feed and nurture even though they won't be preschoolers anymore.
My husband knew I had been considering going to something part time next year when I plan for #3 to be in MDO twice a week instead of once. I've kicked around some different options but haven't pursued anything. When I start to do that I get all weepy that the boys are getting big. I've learned that as my kids grow, I get sad. The passing of time and change just bring me down. However, I've also learned to give myself permission to grieve the change but then focus on the good things coming. There are great things on the horizon for our family in the next season, including me. Just wish I knew what they were.
Aaron challenged me to figure out what I want to be doing in a year and a half when #3 starts kinder. My knee jerk response is that I'll be crying because he'll be gone. Not what he was aiming for. He then asked me to figure out what I want in 5, 10 and 15 years. Yikes. Big points to ponder as I'm trying to convince #3 to not pretend shoot other shoppers in the grocery store with his finger.
I've decided to use this blog to sort out my feelings as I ponder. I know I've changed over the past 7 years. Motherhood has made me better--more patient, kinder, more accepting while at the same time more sure of how to assert myself and demand respect. But how do you put that on a resume?
I don't like dark roads. I like seeing every bend coming my way. I'm prayerfully asking God to reveal His perfect will to me and to give me the strength I need to lean on Him as I work to figure all this out.
She shared her story of how over the last 4 years she's been able to follow God's call to create a ministry to these girls pulled into the sex trade. As she spoke, I was encouraged, inspired, but also really humbled. What am I doing to change the world? I play board games with my 4 year old a lot. I make lots of meals. I grocery and everything else shop. Laundry gets done. Friends are visited. Lots of time and energy go into church.
Yes, I get it--in the season of having small kids, my mission field is my children. Sometimes it's hard to feel a lot of satisfaction in folding laundry or reminding them once again to feed the dog. I've accepted that during this season of my life, my focus is on them and I've worked hard to be content with that calling.
But now, that season is coming to a close. 3 kids is more than enough for me. I know we're done. I taught elementary before kids and I've always known I would eventually go back to something to help earn a wage when the time was right. Even more than that, I miss teaching. I miss the fellowship of the other teachers. I miss the connections I made with the kids. I miss lots of things about teaching that I won't list now. But that was 7 years ago. I've heard lots of things about teaching have changed, not to mention I still have 3 children that I will need to dress, feed and nurture even though they won't be preschoolers anymore.
My husband knew I had been considering going to something part time next year when I plan for #3 to be in MDO twice a week instead of once. I've kicked around some different options but haven't pursued anything. When I start to do that I get all weepy that the boys are getting big. I've learned that as my kids grow, I get sad. The passing of time and change just bring me down. However, I've also learned to give myself permission to grieve the change but then focus on the good things coming. There are great things on the horizon for our family in the next season, including me. Just wish I knew what they were.
Aaron challenged me to figure out what I want to be doing in a year and a half when #3 starts kinder. My knee jerk response is that I'll be crying because he'll be gone. Not what he was aiming for. He then asked me to figure out what I want in 5, 10 and 15 years. Yikes. Big points to ponder as I'm trying to convince #3 to not pretend shoot other shoppers in the grocery store with his finger.
I've decided to use this blog to sort out my feelings as I ponder. I know I've changed over the past 7 years. Motherhood has made me better--more patient, kinder, more accepting while at the same time more sure of how to assert myself and demand respect. But how do you put that on a resume?
I don't like dark roads. I like seeing every bend coming my way. I'm prayerfully asking God to reveal His perfect will to me and to give me the strength I need to lean on Him as I work to figure all this out.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
TV show memoirs
I read the other day that creating is a great way to keep your mind active. For me, I love to create using paper and photos in scrapbooking. I love creating beautiful music on the piano, with my guitar or using my voice. I love using this medium to create words that synthesize my experiences or moments that I want to share with others.
Today I'm creating a memoir that is pretty silly, but here it is anyway. I'm not a TV on all the time person. My husband is. Many friends and family members are. I prefer to only have the TV on when I'm really focusing on it. Ambient noise is soothing for many, but for me it's distracting. So, when I do watch the TV, I like for it to be worth my time.
With NetFlix and the DVR I can be selective on what I watch. I thought I would chronicle my TV shows from the last few years and just share what I liked or maybe even learned.
Rachael Ray--I've taped her show since #3 was a baby. Wow--5 years of Rachael. I'll be honest--I delete many of them and I only watch the segments I want to see, but I've learned how to cook in the last 7 years and much of that is thanks to her show. She makes me laugh and I watch her while I fold laundry. If boys wander through, I don't have to worry about missing an important part of the story.
Gilmore Girls--loved this show. A friend of mine had the first 6 seasons and when my twins were in the NICU for almost 3 months, she loaned me the DVDs. I would watch episode after episode as I pumped milk for them. Sweet show.
Little House on the Prairie--so wholesome. After the twins were home from the hospital, I had to be very cautious about germs due to their tininess. We were home a lot. I recorded this show and watched it a lot, especially while nursing. It was calming, sweet and reminded me to trust God. These tiny babies would grow and the lonely season in my home would end. It did.
Monarch of the Glen--silly Scottish show about a Laird running his estate. Just silly, sweet fun.
The Grand--an actress from the previous show was on this. It was fun at first but got too dark. When British TV shows go into WWI I just turn off. I know it was a sad time, but I like TV to be sweet, fun and entertaining. I don't want to have nightmares.
McLeod's Daughters--oh my. I loved this show. It was an Australian soap opera that ran 8 seasons. I watched them all. As far as soaps go, it was maybe PG. It was about a group of women that ran a ranch. I actually learned a lot about sheep which is helpful because we have some. I also learned a lot about organic farming which my husband will tell you wasn't all that based in reality, but they sure made it look cool. Aaron liked that they used their sheep dog to actually work sheep. The dog was his fave part of the show. This show had a bad habit of killing its characters. The first time was such a shock. A woman is driving along, has a horrible car wreck and dies. Oh my. No warning. Just dies. I did notice a trend over the 8 seasons, however. If a character was about to leave the show, all of his/her loose ends would be neatly tied up. I thought that was kind to the audience.
Downtown Abbey--I wanted to love this show. It really is beautifully done. I liked the first season, but after that, it's the whole war issue again. I chose to not get pulled back in. Just too sad.
Lark Rise to Candleford--this is actually described as a "feel good" show by NetFlix. So, so sweet. It's a coming of age story of a girl who grows up just before the Industrial Revolution in a small English village. She get a job in the post office in the neighboring town and has all kinds of sweet adventures. Lovely clothing, good morals. I was sad it was over.
The Pioneer Woman--I so wish she were my neighbor! She makes cooking look glamorous and just easy. I've learned a lot from her. I also love that she makes rural living look sexy and well, normal. I sent her a fan letter a while back and am honestly disappointed I didn't get a response. In my mind, I thought she and I would become friends. I feel like we already are.
And now I'm without a regular show. I watch some on Food Network and that's OK. Aaron is pulled into Band of Brothers. Oh my. Yes, WWII happened, but watching those episodes just makes me sad. Luckily, we're getting close to the end of the war. I'm so glad.
TV can be a medium for sharing truth or it can be as I use it--a happy escape from my reality for a bit.
Today I'm creating a memoir that is pretty silly, but here it is anyway. I'm not a TV on all the time person. My husband is. Many friends and family members are. I prefer to only have the TV on when I'm really focusing on it. Ambient noise is soothing for many, but for me it's distracting. So, when I do watch the TV, I like for it to be worth my time.
With NetFlix and the DVR I can be selective on what I watch. I thought I would chronicle my TV shows from the last few years and just share what I liked or maybe even learned.
Rachael Ray--I've taped her show since #3 was a baby. Wow--5 years of Rachael. I'll be honest--I delete many of them and I only watch the segments I want to see, but I've learned how to cook in the last 7 years and much of that is thanks to her show. She makes me laugh and I watch her while I fold laundry. If boys wander through, I don't have to worry about missing an important part of the story.
Gilmore Girls--loved this show. A friend of mine had the first 6 seasons and when my twins were in the NICU for almost 3 months, she loaned me the DVDs. I would watch episode after episode as I pumped milk for them. Sweet show.
Little House on the Prairie--so wholesome. After the twins were home from the hospital, I had to be very cautious about germs due to their tininess. We were home a lot. I recorded this show and watched it a lot, especially while nursing. It was calming, sweet and reminded me to trust God. These tiny babies would grow and the lonely season in my home would end. It did.
Monarch of the Glen--silly Scottish show about a Laird running his estate. Just silly, sweet fun.
The Grand--an actress from the previous show was on this. It was fun at first but got too dark. When British TV shows go into WWI I just turn off. I know it was a sad time, but I like TV to be sweet, fun and entertaining. I don't want to have nightmares.
McLeod's Daughters--oh my. I loved this show. It was an Australian soap opera that ran 8 seasons. I watched them all. As far as soaps go, it was maybe PG. It was about a group of women that ran a ranch. I actually learned a lot about sheep which is helpful because we have some. I also learned a lot about organic farming which my husband will tell you wasn't all that based in reality, but they sure made it look cool. Aaron liked that they used their sheep dog to actually work sheep. The dog was his fave part of the show. This show had a bad habit of killing its characters. The first time was such a shock. A woman is driving along, has a horrible car wreck and dies. Oh my. No warning. Just dies. I did notice a trend over the 8 seasons, however. If a character was about to leave the show, all of his/her loose ends would be neatly tied up. I thought that was kind to the audience.
Downtown Abbey--I wanted to love this show. It really is beautifully done. I liked the first season, but after that, it's the whole war issue again. I chose to not get pulled back in. Just too sad.
Lark Rise to Candleford--this is actually described as a "feel good" show by NetFlix. So, so sweet. It's a coming of age story of a girl who grows up just before the Industrial Revolution in a small English village. She get a job in the post office in the neighboring town and has all kinds of sweet adventures. Lovely clothing, good morals. I was sad it was over.
The Pioneer Woman--I so wish she were my neighbor! She makes cooking look glamorous and just easy. I've learned a lot from her. I also love that she makes rural living look sexy and well, normal. I sent her a fan letter a while back and am honestly disappointed I didn't get a response. In my mind, I thought she and I would become friends. I feel like we already are.
And now I'm without a regular show. I watch some on Food Network and that's OK. Aaron is pulled into Band of Brothers. Oh my. Yes, WWII happened, but watching those episodes just makes me sad. Luckily, we're getting close to the end of the war. I'm so glad.
TV can be a medium for sharing truth or it can be as I use it--a happy escape from my reality for a bit.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Object lessons
I'm really passionate about teaching deep spiritual truths. I especially love it when I get a glimpse of the beautiful way God designed this world to work and for just a moment, I get it. Instead of being distracted by my pride, worry or whatever sin is masking my view, I get to see what God intended me to see.
Those moments are rare but when they happen, I believe it's true worship. They often include music, either with others or on my own.
I love playing the guitar and singing songs of the faith. When I do this I often go to my bedroom to not disturb others and will use my nice guitar. (It lives in a guitar case and stays tuned). When I do this, it's not uncommon for Boy #1 to get my "home guitar" (which lives on a hook on the wall beside my husband's banjo) and strum along with me. I try hard to ignore the fact that his sounds horrible since he doesn't know how to fret the chords, and encourage him to sing and play along. Those are sweet moments. I like to think God is smiling at us as we sing our songs to Him.
Last night at kid choir, I was ambitious to teach 2 new songs in 30 minutes. We have a musical coming up and in order for them to know the songs before we start teaching choreography, I need to get a move on. The week before I had taught 1 song and had intended for them to really know it. That was quite a bit to expect from a fairly young group.
This week, the first song was about the parable of the lost lamb. I love that story. I used to tell it to the boys when I would push them on the swings. I brought a lamb puppet and acted out how loved the lamb felt by the shepherd. I then got to tell this group of sweet kids that they are a beloved lamb of God and He wants to be their shepherd. Wow. Some of my students are in church regularly and are taught by their parents the love of God. Others aren't. They got to hear that last night. I know God smiled on that moment.
I went on to teach them the catchy chorus and verse. Fun song, beautiful meaning.
I then taught them that Jesus is the only way to salvation. The songs is about shining Jesus' love to others. What a beautiful thing to teach kids.
My own boys are really into military right now. Boy #1 is having separation anxiety when I drop him off at kindergarten. This is a new thing--he's never had a tough time with this before. I asked him why the other night and his response broke my heart: "I just love you so much it's hard to say good-bye to you." This coming from a boy who runs around the house pretending to shoot everything he sees, including me felt a bit ironic, but welcome to the complex world of the emotions of a boy.
I typically walk the boys into school but on really cold or rainy days we do the drop off line. Boy #3 loves the drop off line because he doesn't have to walk in and back out of school, but boys 1&2 really don't like it. Yesterday we did the drop off and when #1 figured out we were doing it he started crying. I took a deep breath and delivered a pep talk that was inspired by watching Band of Brothers (WWII miniseries my husband likes). It went something like this: "Let's pretend you're paratroopers. Right now, you're in the airplane, just about to be in the right spot for you to parachaute into the enemy's territory. It may be scary, but it's your job to take a deep breath, pray for courage and do your duty. You can do it. I love you. Make me proud." And they did. No tears when I opened the van door and they waved good-bye to go in the school.
I asked Boy #2 how drop off went in the building and he said it was OK but he doesn't want to do it every day. I guess my pep talk was good but not that good. I love that I was able to take something that they're interested in and apply it to a tough situation.
Those moments are rare but when they happen, I believe it's true worship. They often include music, either with others or on my own.
I love playing the guitar and singing songs of the faith. When I do this I often go to my bedroom to not disturb others and will use my nice guitar. (It lives in a guitar case and stays tuned). When I do this, it's not uncommon for Boy #1 to get my "home guitar" (which lives on a hook on the wall beside my husband's banjo) and strum along with me. I try hard to ignore the fact that his sounds horrible since he doesn't know how to fret the chords, and encourage him to sing and play along. Those are sweet moments. I like to think God is smiling at us as we sing our songs to Him.
Last night at kid choir, I was ambitious to teach 2 new songs in 30 minutes. We have a musical coming up and in order for them to know the songs before we start teaching choreography, I need to get a move on. The week before I had taught 1 song and had intended for them to really know it. That was quite a bit to expect from a fairly young group.
This week, the first song was about the parable of the lost lamb. I love that story. I used to tell it to the boys when I would push them on the swings. I brought a lamb puppet and acted out how loved the lamb felt by the shepherd. I then got to tell this group of sweet kids that they are a beloved lamb of God and He wants to be their shepherd. Wow. Some of my students are in church regularly and are taught by their parents the love of God. Others aren't. They got to hear that last night. I know God smiled on that moment.
I went on to teach them the catchy chorus and verse. Fun song, beautiful meaning.
I then taught them that Jesus is the only way to salvation. The songs is about shining Jesus' love to others. What a beautiful thing to teach kids.
My own boys are really into military right now. Boy #1 is having separation anxiety when I drop him off at kindergarten. This is a new thing--he's never had a tough time with this before. I asked him why the other night and his response broke my heart: "I just love you so much it's hard to say good-bye to you." This coming from a boy who runs around the house pretending to shoot everything he sees, including me felt a bit ironic, but welcome to the complex world of the emotions of a boy.
I typically walk the boys into school but on really cold or rainy days we do the drop off line. Boy #3 loves the drop off line because he doesn't have to walk in and back out of school, but boys 1&2 really don't like it. Yesterday we did the drop off and when #1 figured out we were doing it he started crying. I took a deep breath and delivered a pep talk that was inspired by watching Band of Brothers (WWII miniseries my husband likes). It went something like this: "Let's pretend you're paratroopers. Right now, you're in the airplane, just about to be in the right spot for you to parachaute into the enemy's territory. It may be scary, but it's your job to take a deep breath, pray for courage and do your duty. You can do it. I love you. Make me proud." And they did. No tears when I opened the van door and they waved good-bye to go in the school.
I asked Boy #2 how drop off went in the building and he said it was OK but he doesn't want to do it every day. I guess my pep talk was good but not that good. I love that I was able to take something that they're interested in and apply it to a tough situation.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Goodies
I'm such a lucky wife. I'm enjoying how fun it is to have different types of books easily at my disposal. I love that I have a Jen Hatmaker devo on there so whenever the mood strikes, I can read a quick pick me up. I also have a handful of books I've uploaded that are fun and were free. Here's the part where I get gushy: Aaron went ahead and uploaded a bunch of Jane Austen and Jane Austenish books (the distinction will be saved for another time) that I love! Home run for the gift giver on that one!
I've come to realize lately that of all the love languages, gift giving is the one that confuses me the most. I have a high expectation of gifts. I'm a stuff loather. Getting more stuff just stresses me out. As I write this, on the corner of my desk is a gift that was in my stocking that is a great concept. It's a dry erase 7 day calendar to help you organize. Looks great, but I already have systems in place so what do I do with this lovely item? Not really sure but it needs a new home because it's stressing me out currently.
Back to the topic at hand. For a gift to really hit a home run for me, it should say "I get you. You will love this."
April, my fantastic SIL, is great at this. I remember when we married, her gift to me was a set of self address labels for me with my new married name and address. I felt so accepted into her family with that gift. The memory of that still warms my heart.
My friend, Nea, is also an all-star gift giver. I mentioned to her back in September that my car had been broken into (yuck) and not much had been stolen, but among the items was an empty bag that I really liked. Last Friday, months later, she gave me a gift of the same kind of bag in a fabric I loved. More than the bag, I was touched by her thoughtfulness.
In the picture above, you see the rare example that I do like to shop for myself. I got myself a new purse--not a diaper bag--that is big enough to hold my new Kindle. I wanted to celebrate my "me time" with a bag just for me. How refreshing!
I also wanted to have a way to carry my new Kindle in my new purse without destroying it, so I used a wonderfully thoughtful Christmas Amazon gift card to purchase it as well as the piano book.
I teach 1st-3rd grade choir and love teaching the kids about worship. These songs in this book are ones that help me worship in a way that makes me feel like I'm at the feet of the Lord, pouring out my heart to Him. Tomorrow I plan to teach them Chris Tomlin's "Amazing Grace/ My Chains Are Gone" and I'm so excited to teach the beautiful concept of freedom to these kids.
It's tricky for me to find an outlet for my passions sometimes. How funny that I'm super excited about the lovely fabric of my new Kindle cover and the greatness of the songs in that book? Very cool.
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Relaxing my grip
In years past, I've made elaborate plans for Christmas and always felt disappointed that they fell short.
This year I feel much more relaxed and happier. I don't expect this magical Christmas spirit to overtake me and bring about some special glow. Instead, I'm just living my life, doing what I need to do and am thankful that I get to anticipate Christmas.
This morning I wrote a few Christmas cards and really enjoyed it. I love that I get to sit back and write letters to dear friends when I send Christmas cards.
Today I may do a pinterest search for Christmas games for adults to play at our SS party or a fun activity to do with the kinder kids at the party at school. Or I may not. We'll just see.
This year I feel much more relaxed and happier. I don't expect this magical Christmas spirit to overtake me and bring about some special glow. Instead, I'm just living my life, doing what I need to do and am thankful that I get to anticipate Christmas.
This morning I wrote a few Christmas cards and really enjoyed it. I love that I get to sit back and write letters to dear friends when I send Christmas cards.
Today I may do a pinterest search for Christmas games for adults to play at our SS party or a fun activity to do with the kinder kids at the party at school. Or I may not. We'll just see.
Broadening my perspective
Last post, I wrote about directing the Christmas musical. Suffice it to say that at the conclusion of the dress rehearsal, I was fighting tears. Why? I was embarrassed that it didn't go well enough and my pride stung.
It's hard to make OK be acceptable. I like for things to be perfect and when they're not, I don't handle it well. Part of me feels like I have to achieve to gain approval.
As an adult, at least I'm at a point where I can see that this is a silly way to live my life. God loves me. Period. A musical can have some hiccups and it doesn't make me lose His love. I learned some lessons for the next time I undertake a project like this one in the future to iron out some of the hiccups, but that's not the lesson to take away here. My goal when I undertook this was that the kids got a chance to experience the Christmas story in a meaningful way. At Wednesday night's rehearsal, about 35 kids got to share the message of Jesus' birth in a special way. My own 3 kids loved the rehearsal and thought it was wonderful. I can be thankful for that success. The rest is just icing on the cake.
It's hard to make OK be acceptable. I like for things to be perfect and when they're not, I don't handle it well. Part of me feels like I have to achieve to gain approval.
As an adult, at least I'm at a point where I can see that this is a silly way to live my life. God loves me. Period. A musical can have some hiccups and it doesn't make me lose His love. I learned some lessons for the next time I undertake a project like this one in the future to iron out some of the hiccups, but that's not the lesson to take away here. My goal when I undertook this was that the kids got a chance to experience the Christmas story in a meaningful way. At Wednesday night's rehearsal, about 35 kids got to share the message of Jesus' birth in a special way. My own 3 kids loved the rehearsal and thought it was wonderful. I can be thankful for that success. The rest is just icing on the cake.
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