Goodies

For Christmas, I halfheartedly asked for an ereader of some kind so I could check my email easily and get ebooks.  I did no research and didn't really think much about it as I generally dislike technology, but Aaron found a great deal online and gifted me a Kindle Fire.

I'm such a lucky wife.  I'm enjoying how fun it is to have different types of books easily at my disposal.  I love that I have a Jen Hatmaker devo on there so whenever the mood strikes, I can read a quick pick me up.  I also have a handful of books I've uploaded that are fun and were free.  Here's the part where I get gushy:  Aaron went ahead and uploaded a bunch of Jane Austen and Jane Austenish books (the distinction will be saved for another time) that I love!  Home run for the gift giver on that one!

I've come to realize lately that of all the love languages, gift giving is the one that confuses me the most.  I have a high expectation of gifts.  I'm a stuff loather.  Getting more stuff just stresses me out.  As I write this, on the corner of my desk is a gift that was in my stocking that is a great concept.  It's a dry erase 7 day calendar to help you organize.  Looks great, but I already have systems in place so what do I do with this lovely item?  Not really sure but it needs a new home because it's stressing me out currently.

Back to the topic at hand.  For a gift to really hit a home run for me, it should say "I get you.  You will love this."

April, my fantastic SIL, is great at this.  I remember when we married, her gift to me was a set of self address labels for me with my new married name and address.  I felt so accepted into her family with that gift.  The memory of that still warms my heart.

My friend, Nea, is also an all-star gift giver.  I mentioned to her back in September that my car had been broken into (yuck) and not much had been stolen, but among the items was an empty bag that I really liked.  Last Friday, months later, she gave me a gift of the same kind of bag in a fabric I loved.  More than the bag, I was touched by her thoughtfulness.

In the picture above, you see the rare example that I do like to shop for myself.  I got myself a new purse--not a diaper bag--that is big enough to hold my new Kindle.  I wanted to celebrate my "me time" with a bag just for me.  How refreshing!

I also wanted to have a way to carry my new Kindle in my new purse without destroying it, so I used a wonderfully thoughtful Christmas Amazon gift card to purchase it as well as the piano book.

I teach 1st-3rd grade choir and love teaching the kids about worship.  These songs in this book are ones that help me worship in a way that makes me feel like I'm at the feet of the Lord, pouring out my heart to Him.  Tomorrow I plan to teach them Chris Tomlin's "Amazing Grace/ My Chains Are Gone" and I'm so excited to teach the beautiful concept of freedom to these kids.

It's tricky for me to find an outlet for my passions sometimes.  How funny that I'm super excited about the lovely fabric of my new Kindle cover and the greatness of the songs in that book?  Very cool.

Relaxing my grip

In years past, I've made elaborate plans for Christmas and always felt disappointed that they fell short.

This year I feel much more relaxed and happier. I don't expect this magical Christmas spirit to overtake me and bring about some special glow.  Instead, I'm just living my life, doing what I need to do and am thankful that I get to anticipate Christmas.  

This morning I wrote a few Christmas cards and really enjoyed it.  I love that I get to sit back and write letters to dear friends when I send Christmas cards.

Today I may do a pinterest search for Christmas games for adults to play at our SS party or a fun activity to do with the kinder kids at the party at school.  Or I may not.  We'll just see.

Broadening my perspective

Last post, I wrote about directing the Christmas musical.  Suffice it to say that at the conclusion of the dress rehearsal, I was fighting tears.  Why?  I was embarrassed that it didn't go well enough and my pride stung. 

It's hard to make OK be acceptable.  I like for things to be perfect and when they're not, I don't handle it well.  Part of me feels like I have to achieve to gain approval. 

As an adult, at least I'm at a point where I can see that this is a silly way to live my life.  God loves me.  Period.  A musical can have some hiccups and it doesn't make me lose His love.  I learned some lessons for the next time I undertake a project like this one in the future to iron out some of the hiccups, but that's not the lesson to take away here.  My goal when I undertook this was that the kids got a chance to experience the Christmas story in a meaningful way.  At Wednesday night's rehearsal, about 35 kids got to share the message of Jesus' birth in a special way.  My own 3 kids loved the rehearsal and thought it was wonderful.   I can be thankful for that success.  The rest is just icing on the cake.

Musings on being a director

Tonight is the dress rehearsal for our children's Christmas musical that as my boys say I'm the "big boss" of.

It's funny--this project came up suddenly about 6 weeks ago and it's been surprisingly fun to put together.  I've read that the best way to truly relax is to do something that feels like play.  Back in high school, I was in the cast of musicals as well as in the competitive acting class (we prepared pieces to take to competitions) and really enjoyed it.  I'm a deeply emotional person and acting really resonates with that.  As an adult, the closest I get to acting is reading my boys stories in funny voices.  Sadly, I don't even do that very often because they really prefer non-fiction stories that just don't call for my crazy Speedy Gonzales voice. 

I found a script for this musical that I really liked and then I reworked it a bit to fit the number of kids for speaking parts, our time limitation  and our unique needs based on our kids.  It was a labor of love.  The words truly reflect the reason I chose to take on this task:  so that all who are a part of this musical or who are watching it can see what Christmas is all about--God sending His son as a baby to give us hope.

I've worked hard to keep this project simple, but coordinating 3 choirs and the logistics of the costumes, set, music, drama, etc is quite a task.  I'm very fortunate that I have a fantastic group of people to make all this come together.  It also helps that my own boys are very excited about being a part of it.

I'm learning lessons along the way, like when I start to feel overwhelmed, sit down and list all the worries I have.  Then, put dates beside them.  Right after Halloween I got worried that I was running out of time.  As is way too common for me, I wasted that energy worrying for nothing.

I've loved teaching the 5 traditional carols to the kids.  I taught the 1st-6th graders songs that they "know" but did they really?  I took the time to explain the songs and we even discussed the meaning behind them.  Very, very cool.  I like to think that when they sing those songs this Christmas they will have a deeper meaning.  I know they do for me now.

I have a to do list for tonight's rehearsal: 
*ask someone to snap some photos for with my camera
**put some on FB to invite people to come on Sunday for the performance
**for my own scrapbook
*have my guitar ready to go--I'm going to accompany "Silent Night"
*Be patient and pleasant

When I'm in "business mode" I can get very terse.  Aaron does this when he's working on a project.  Apparently in man world this terse tone is common practice and acceptable to all.  Not to me when I can't figure out what he's asking me to do or in many cases can't do what it is he's requesting.  A short, choppy tone of voice makes me even less motivated to be his happy helper.  I've learned to request a nicer tone.

Tonight I need to do the same.  I've spent lots of time onstage, memorized many, many lines and am one of those people who loves being onstage.  As a little girl I dreamed of being a famous actress.  Tonight I'm directing children who have never been in a production like this before.  One of my girls with lines told me she's very scared--she's never spoken in front of a group like this before.  My job is to encourage these kids and show them God's love.  The whole point of this production is to share the good news of Christmas with others.  If she forgets her lines, there will be a screen with them written on it.  The church will still love her.  These aren't professional actors and we're not on Broadway.

In a perfect world, I would have been able to work with the drama kids and really direct them as they deliver their lines.  However, I didn't.  Maybe I'll be a part of that next time around.  I had to delegate that task to another adult who was willing to lend a hand.  I'm thankful she did.

One of the trickiest parts of delegation is allowing OK to be good enough.  God is showing me that the whole is more important the individual parts.  I have to manage the whole and keep it on track instead of looking too closely at each individual piece.  Not easy.  But I've also lived long enough now to understand that what I think is the most important thing is not important at all to others.  I have such limited vision and as the director of the project, I'm having to step back and oversee all the parts.  It's stretching me and I'm thankful for the sage advice of some of the seasoned choir teachers to help me along.

There's a beauty to sitting back today, looking at the pieces that have come together to make this production happen.  I believe that when we work together for the glory of God, He smiles proudly at our effort.  When I was making the sheep costumes, He grinned and probably chuckled.  When I taught the meaning of Advent back in September, he beamed with pride.  When I took a moment to remind the scared little girl that her best effort was all I asked of her when she delivered her lines, He nodded His head in approval.  Heaven knows He doesn't demand perfection of me--just faithfulness.

I'm prepared that tonight's rehearsal may be a train wreck.  I can't control the choices the kids or other adults make.  The only thing I have control of is me and my attitude.  I don't want to flop publicly, especially not in front of my own kids.  But that's why I've been praying over this project since its inception.

I've sowed lots of hard work and invested many hours.  I'm excited to reap the harvest.  Here's hoping that it's a good one!

Gearing up for Christmas

Thanksgiving was good. 

In years past, I've been very bad about letting the expectation of what the day should feel like get in the way of actually enjoying time with my family.  I'm proud to say I didn't do that this year.  Both sets of grandparents came to join us as well as my brother.  It was nice.

Now it's time to start getting ready for Christmas.  In years past I've almost had a sense of dread about the Christmas season just because there are so many things I feel like I have to do.  This year I'm not going to let myself get sucked into that.

In November, I noticed that 2 TV shows that I record and watch while I fold laundry were bringing me down.  I enjoy Rachael Ray and have started watching The Chew.  I don't love either, but learn quite a bit about cooking from both.  But especially The Chew did nothing but make me feel like if my Thanksgiving table wasn't exactly like theirs I was failing.  What?  When I realized that, I watched much, much less.  Good move.

With Christmas, I'm going to be very watchful of what I read, listen to and watch.  I don't need to make our Christmas a certain way.  I like what our pastor said last year about Christmas:  it's a time of the year when we make a little extra room for Jesus.  Celebrating Him.  Pondering the gift that He is for each of us.

My brother gave the boys a Lego advent calendar.  A year ago I would have wigged out and been weird because it isn't about Jesus.  I'm very, very happy to know that in the past couple of years I've made a real effort to teach my boys that Christ is the reason for Christmas and they get it.  Yes, we have to keep our focus on it, but I feel like we can just enjoy the season now and I don't have to hit that point quite so hard.

Fun is easy for Aaron.  For me, it's a challenge.  I have to brag--on Thursday morning, I knew both sets of grandparents were on the way to our house as well as my brother.  I was cooking a big breakfast for the boys because I knew we would be eating later than they're used to and I didn't want to be bothered with them being hungry if lunch was late.  Boy #1 asked if he could help make the pancakes.  The task master in me that wanted to have a clean kitchen when her mom and in-laws showed up wanted to say, "Shoo, messy child."  But I didn't.  I let the messy little guy help.  He loved it.  Through my actions I told him he was important to me.  I even took a deep breath and enjoyed his company.  Very, very big step for me on that one.  And no one made a comment on the cleanliness of my kitchen.

I'm weird about dishes.  I want them done NOW.  However, I knew my parents and brother weren't staying very long at our house and I chose to spend time talking to my mom instead of washing dishes.  My brother even joined us for a really nice chat.  That was a cool moment that I'm really glad I chose to join in.

I want Christmas to be that way.  Keep my focus on these precious moments with my kids and my Savior.  Today I am planning to make an Advent calendar for us in which we have 24 strips of construction paper linked together, each counting down to 1.  I want to write our church's Advent theme for each week on them so that each day when we tear one off, we're all reminded of what it is we're waiting for.  I was going to do an elaborate 12 days of giving in which we came up with ways to give to those around us, but I've decided to just relax the structured feel of that and let giving as it happens.  Last night #1 went to the store with me.  We bought some groceries for needy families (the store makes it very easy to do so--hooray Brookshire's!) and #1 got to physically put the bag of goodies in the big bin.  Later he told me doing so made him for special because he got to do it and thoughtful because he was giving to others.  Cool, cool moment that I hadn't scripted. 

I'll wrap up here so I can order my address labels for my Christmas cards which are already done!  As you can see, this post is all lofty about the true meaning of Christmas but what really makes me happy?  Knowing it's Nov 30 and I have my Christmas cards in hand.  Oh well.  Some are happy with watching sunsets.  Some with listening to the waves on the shore.  I am happy when my Christmas cards get to people before the 24th of December.  Wow, I am shallow!

Closets bring happiness

This morning I chose to tackle the linen closet.  It's been mildly bugging me for a few months.  I'm hosting Thanksgiving and even though no one is spending the night at my house, somehow cleaning out a closet that no one will look in gave me a great sense of accomplishment.

It took less than 30 minutes from opening the door to completion.  The cool thing is that the lowest shelf is now my boys'--it's puzzles that they are welcome to do by themselves.  Score!

#3 loves that the closet is now his "puzzle closet" and I love that it's tidy.  Tidy is just so pleasant.

Awesomeness

I haven't posted in a while.  My routine from last year has shifted.  I teach the 1st-3rd choir at church now and I have to take my twins to kinder as well as pick them up each day.  Somehow the 2 of those things have made me out of the routine of blogging as often.

I read the book Start--Punch Fear in the Face the other day.  My husband and I are big Dave Ramsey fans and the author, Jon Acuff, is a speaker at Dave events so I guess Aaron heard of him that way.  Anyway, he read the book and encouraged me to read it.  I'm glad I did.  It's a motivational book basically about the road to awesomeness.   

It's funny--I think of awesome as this wow kind of thing that people who are CEOs get to do in ivory towers somewhere.  This book helped me see that every day, just being who God made me to be, I can be awesome. 

I can be an awesome wife.  Just yesterday at the grocery store I did a very rare impulse buy of hot sauce for Aaron because I knew he didn't care much for the previous one I got for him.  That was awesomeness. 

I can be an awesome mom.  The past weekend Aaron hung his banjo (he's teaching himself to play) and my guitar up on the wall, well within the boys' reach.  The boys love strumming both instruments while they sing.  Precious!  The musician and adult in me who is averse to non-musical instrumentation cringes that they play, but the awesome mom in me applauds that they love music and worships as they sing "Jesus Loves Me' with such gusto. 

I got to practice awesomeness in friendship the other day when I took a mom who's new to the area to MOPs.  I even got to figure out how to attach her 2 car seats in my car--not my skill set.

But here's the thing--these awesome things come rather easily to me.

What's harder is what I did this morning--I said no.  Let me preface to say that no is just not a word I say easily.  I want the whole world to love me and I figured out at an early age that "yes" wins many friends.  "No" can be lonely.

As the choir teacher, I took on a huge project:  I'm directing a children's musical at our church combining 3 choirs (ages 4-6th grade), drama, etc to do basically a living nativity program.  Should be very, very sweet.  There are just lots of moving parts I have to coordinate.  I've delegated well and now I get to work on managing the parts to be sure everything comes out as it should.

Tonight is choir night and I have to be at my best to teach the kids what we need to learn for the very quickly approaching program.  This morning was Community Bible Study.  I play the piano for the worship section and it is not a snap for me to play.  I have to practice the song and be prayerful that the Lord will bless my effort for his glory.  If I'm not in the right mindset, I get nervous, flustered and I miss God's blessing.  Today was good.  However, after I played the children's director gently reminded me I had signed up for being a Love Lady today.  (Extra helper for the children's program). 

I know my face fell.  She knows that 3 years ago I loved helping out.  Now, not so much.  She graciously asked if she should ask someone else to do it today and I said with my hesitation..."yes."  I couldn't believe I actually said that!  I apologized but she was very quick to say that there are ladies who love doing it and she would much prefer honesty to me doing it with a reluctant heart.  What a blessing!

Yesterday I got an email that pertained to the kids' musical.  I won't go into it, but suffice it to say it was a request for me to do even more than what I committed to with this project.  I'm the world's worst at a knee-jerk "yes" and then I feel bad about it later.  This time, I knew no was best, but I talked it over with Aaron and had his full support of the no.  Saying no still wasn't easy, but doing so is the road to awesomeness.

We all have moments of awesomeness.  I'm just glad that I'm finally learning that being awesome isn't making everyone else happy.  It's being true to who God made me to be and being my very best version of that every day.