Differences

This last weekend, my husband taught me to shoot a bow and arrow.  My boys were tickled that I used their little boy bow set and that child #1 was better at it than I was.

I didn't really want to do it, but I'm realizing that the more new things I try, the richer life is.  I also read the other day that learning new things as an adult could keep Alzheimer's at bay. 

Child #1 is such a mini-me.  He has taken to kinder like a duck to water.  He loves the order, the structure and he especially loves that he is doing well.  While I'm happy he's happy, I'm seeing an ugly side come out of him.  He doesn't like the kids that aren't like him and mess up the order of the system.

Child #2 has a soft heart and a natural kindness for others.  Child #1 on the other hand, seems to have more of a hardness to him.  It makes me sad.  I'm someone who feels deep empathy for others and will defend the underdog like a mother lion when necessary. 

Child #1 will complain about the other kids in his class and say he doesn't like them.  He says it in strong ways that really bug me.  I called someone the other day who is an expert on kids this age just to figure out what is developmentally appropriate for kids his age.  She was reassuring that this is normal and a part of kinder.  She encouraged me to tell him to find one thing he likes about these kids he doesn't like.  I did so and he adamantly told me there was nothing to like about them.  Yikes.

Here's the "aha" mom moment to share.  During the chat about development, I realized that it's not my job to my child #1 into me.  God gifted me with a very soft heart for others.  It still confuses me at 35 that not everyone feels as deeply as I do about things, but they don't.  It was a realization moment that child #1 wasn't created just like me.  And that it's OK. 

And now for the happy ending.  Child #3 likes Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, an updated version of Mr Roger's Neighborhood so we record it.  The other day the episode was all about being kind to others that are different than you.  The phrase they repeated over and over was "In some ways we are different but in other ways, we are the same."

I made all 3 watch the show as I cooked supper last night.  After it was over, I asked #1 about ways one of the little guys in his class that we've discussed is like him.  He thought for a minute and then said, "On the inside we're the same.  He has bones and blood."  I chimed in with this, asking "Does he have a heart?" "Yes."  "Hands?"  "Yes" We continued this way a while. 

#1 still has a ways to go to showing kindness to all, but this is a small start.  In motherhood, it's good to celebrate the small victories.

Self-discipline

For any of you who are familiar with Dave Ramsey and his teachings about how to handle money, you know about the envelope system.  The concept is very basic:  agree with your spouse about how much you'll spend for different things, put that amount of cash into specified envelopes, and only spend the cash.

This is one of those things that sounds so easy but when it's you in Mardel, looking at very lovely things that would make your home look oh-so-lovely, it's tricky to remember that the debit card isn't in your wallet when you know you don't have a "home decorations" envelope.  And the Target envelope just can't cover these lovelies and toilet paper as well.

My boys, particularly the older 2, have a bad case of what I call "want-i-tis."  They want, want, want.  Drives me crazy.  This morning with #3 I got to model what it looks like to appreciate something, file it away for another day like Christmas or when you have cash in the envelope and be at peace without getting it today.

The irony is that I have a daily calendar that tells me what character trait to pray for for my kids.  Today's?  Self-displine.  It made me smile that I had prayed for this and I had such an opportunity to practice it today myself.

Batman on the organ

This year I've become a part of the music team at my bible study.  I love music, sing in our church choir and even teach the kids' choir as well.  I play the piano, love singing and also play guitar.  One would think that playing the piano for our study would be right down my alley.

It would be, but somehow when I play the piano I get nervous and make these weird mistakes.  Last Wednesday I felt so embarrassed that I was bothered by it the rest of the week.

So, for this week, I practiced more and felt prepared.  I also prayed that the music would be about worship and not about me.  He answered in such a neat way!  He brought an organist!  She has lots of experience.  Today as she played, I played along and felt so much more comfortable.  No nerves=no mistakes! 

I just needed a Batman on organ for my Robin on piano.  And God provided.

Granted, in the grand scheme of life I know my comfort level as I play piano isn't that important, but it sure is nice.

Book organizing

Pre-books

many books

Happy organization

I haven't posted for a while.  The summer pretty much ate my lunch.  Don't get me wrong--we had a great summer filled with fun and great memories.  But I had precious few moments to myself which is when I like to blog.

At this moment the Aggies are playing on TV, engaging all the males in my home.  I'm sitting here in the room with them but I can focus my attention on this.  How's that for mult-tasking?

This summer we were given some new furniture for the boys' rooms so we've been able to upcycle other pieces.  This dresser was actually in my little girl room and I'm so happy it's now in the play room, holding books to read to my boys.  Really, really nice.

There's nothing like the feeling of completion that a short, sweet organization project brings.

Wisdom for endurance

This is our new token system.  I copied this idea from a friend of mine as a way to help guide good habits in my boys.  Kindergarten is creeping closer every day and I want to get the boys ready so the transition will be as smooth as possible.

The token system is in place so they can see very easily when they do good and when they do bad, with the hopes that they'll choose to do good more and more.

When I taught school, I used a marble jar to teach classroom procedures.  I would drop in a marble when they did good things.  It was a beautiful way for them to know immediately when as a class they were following our classroom rules.  The magical little clink of the marbles were so powerful in shaping our classroom rules.

So, as a mom, I'm trying to do the same.  It's way harder.  In class, I never took out marbles.  With my own kids, I do.  My students didn't kick each other, weren't mean to the dog, didn't talk back, throw things at me when they got mad, disobey what I said or make a mess of wherever they were.  I'm sure my students did all of those things when they were 3 or 5 and probably at 7 or 8 at home, but I was their teacher--not their mom.

Yesterday I hit a brick wall when I realized I focus so much on the things they do wrong I rarely notice what all they do right.  That was a yuck moment.  It was Monday--cleaning day--and they weren't doing their tasks well.  I felt myself morphing into this nag woman, demanding that they work harder, etc.  I realized if they didn't become cleaning wizards immediately the whole token system would go bust because the whole point is to gain tokens.  They were just losing them.  Uncool.

So, I chose to postpone cleaning day.  We didn't have to clean yesterday;  it would easily wait.  Instead, I took a deep breath and decided to focus the day on rewarding my boys for all the stuff they did well.  Not easy for me, but a good choice.

Today we had to take Sardina, our second dog that will get her own post another day when child #3 isn't waiting on me to do a Lego project, to the vet.  On our way back, we had an adventure.  We went to a new park that was fantastic.  We also did Target which can be a beating with all 3 boys, but today it wasn't.  I used the token system to reward them for following directions and it was great!  Not quite as magical as my marbles once upon a time, but better than it could have been.

Motherhood is an endurance race.  Some days I have to decide having the cleanest house on the block just isn't worth the fight.

Letting them loose

I realized the other day the reason I enjoyed teaching 2nd grade so much was because I had control.  Yes, I had to teach lots of procedures and develop a sense of family in the classroom for all to go smoothly, but by george, I did it.  And I loved it. 

Looking back, I had every moment of the day scheduled for my students and I liked it that way.  I didn't give much chance for misbehavior because I was expecting them to act like little robots in my care.

My own kids don't work that way.  As I write this, I'm letting them just be and well, they're being.  They've moved #3's bed to the door of his closet and who even knows what mischief they've gotten into.  No one is crying, yelling or hurting anyone else.  There will be a mess to clean up, but there was a mess before they began.

I'm learning as a mom that I want my own kids to be able to fill free time without my constant guidance.  I'm also learning that for me to recharge my own batteries, I have to disengage from them sometimes and do something completely for me. 

This morning #1 discovered the joy of making mud pies.  That's one of those things you read on someone else's blog and you think of how delightful that is.  When it's on your blog, you have to be the one to hose the kid off (while he yells and runs from you) and do the lovely laundry that's associated with such fun.

I needed to recharge, so I set the timer for 15 minutes and told the boys I was going to play the piano and sing and no, they couldn't get out the instruments.  They also had to leave me completely alone.  They did.  I played my heart out I'm glad I did. 

This afternoon we're planning to go to the pool.  3 non-swimmers and me.  Promises to be a whipping on my part, but such is the joy of motherhood.

Shamefully prissy noises

I'm many things.  Talkative, optimistic, boisterous, inquisitive are a few that come to mind.  Tough?  Not really.  I was raised to be more of a princess than a field hand.  Unfortunately, I married a man who despite wooing a princess, he really wanted to marry a field hand.  So, in marriage I'm learning how to do such glamorous things, like fix fences, herd cattle and wrestle fish.

We were fishing the other day at our pond when a neighbor came out and needed to talk to Aaron.  Before I realized what was happening, Aaron had disappeared across the fence with the neighbor and I was left alone with the 3 boys on a small dock.  I had a fleeting moment of what I would do if:  one fell in, they all fell in or heaven forbid, one caught a fish.  I know how to swim, but dealing with fish is a new kind of adventure.

I have to brag on myself--I took a deep breath and enjoyed the time fishing with the boys.  They didn't catch anything in Aaron's absence except the dock a few times and unfortunately me once.  Luckily, no blood was drawn.  We had fun.

When Aaron came back he cast lines for the boys and all of a sudden, they all caught fish.  I dutifully went about taking hooks out of fish mouths which I'm still very new at.  I make this ridiculous prissy noise when I touch fish.  I'm not proud of the sound, but ick.  They're slippery and slimy.  #1 was helping me with my task.  When I made that silly sound, he asked, "Mommy, is that noise Spanish for Daddy, please help?"

If you would have told me 10 years ago that this moment would be on my short list of favorite parenting moments I would have laughed at you, but so it is.

Maybe one day "tough" will be in the list of adjectives I use to describe myself.