Good enough is fantastic

This morning I was putting on my make-up, admiring my new $10 organizational caddy in my bathroom.  I was just enjoying the loveliness of it.  As I did so, I smeared base into my hair.  I proceeded to run it into my hairline, making my appearance really nice.  Oh well.

I then cleaned up the kitchen table and with the wet washrag, I wiped up the mud splotches left from the dog yesterday trailing across the floor.  Not a perfect clean up job, but good enough.  I did about half the floor and marvelled that it was actually a workout.  Mental note:  get more exercise.

Time to get packed up for Bible study.  Just wanted to pass along the nugget of the morning:  good enough really is OK.  Being able to let perfect go?  Fantastic.

Organizational love

Today during MDO, I went to one of my favorite places on the planet:  The Container Store.  As I began cleaning out my closet, I found that I needed some organizational supplies.  Fun!  I love the pretty things they have there. 

When I discussed with Aaron the budget for this adventure into greatness, he told me he wanted us to tidy up my workstation/boy table time prep area.  He didn't have to pull my leg!  I had lots of fun finding these goodies and wanted to show off the goodness.  (The crayons, scissors, etc are happily hiding in the covered box to the right).

I was so excited that as I was paying out, I told the cashier that I've decided heaven looks a lot like The Container Store.  The cashier probably thought I was a nut, but she told me that I would be a perfect fit for their staff and I should really think about getting a job there. 

I'm sure my parents would be thrilled if I used my Master's degree in Spanish to work at The Container Store.  But it sure would be a fun place to go every day.  Such a nice thought.

Barnabus was beyond being an otter

A couple weeks ago I blogged about the name God has for us.  I shared I was Interesting, had kids and morphed sadly into Grumpy and was going to have a lovely metamorphasis into Joyful.  And then life happened.

I've realized that Joyful is too ambitious.  I need to claim a name that God has for me that's easier to relax into.  Joy in Christ is really tricky.  It's not the happiness that I feel like I should feel--it's deeper than a feeling.  It's a fruit of the Spirit of God that flows within us, regardless of feeling.  Yeah.  I get that on paper, but in the midst of a boy throwing a tantrum because he doesn't want to brush his teeth, it eludes me.

So, instead I'm claiming Loved.  I'm always Loved.  I can rest in that while I'm calmly holding a toothbrush or feeling scared with what tomorrow may bring.  Regardless of what's going on around me or how I feel, I'm Loved because of the promise in John 3:16.

I love personality tests but recently I did a training on them and it sent me into a funk.  For some odd reason, I decided a certain personality was my identity even though in motherhood I have used other elements of my personality more.  How odd that I got so wrapped up in labels on a silly personality inventory.

But it was more than that.  One of the girls assumed I was the Beaver, the detail-oriented task oriented person, which my husband and dad are.  The reality is that in MOPs, those qualities are needed in me and I've developed that part of me so that I can do my job well.  That's a good thing.  Instead of seeing that, I got weirdly offended that someone I feel close to doesn't know the "real" me--the Otter who is fun and the life of the party. 

To sum up, yesterday the preacher preached about Barnabus, one of my fave guys in the bible.  Regardless of what animal I am, at my heart, I'm a Barnabus.  Someone whose heart sees the need to love others and include them in whatever party I'm a part of. 

Aaron and I discussed what animal Barnabus was.  I assumed he was an Otter.  Aaron was sure he was a Beaver.  That made me smile.  The golden nugget to take away from this is that God created us all in different way, but we're all expected to further his kingdom.  That's freeing to me.

Who am I now?

I know this isn't a fantastic picture, but I wanted to show you what I'm writing about today.  As I'm at this place in my life where I'm transitioning from being Mommy full time to Mom with boys starting to enter kinder next fall, I'm trying to figure out who I am now.  I'm not really sure. 

I know who I used to be.  Pre-kids I was a teacher who was passionate about educating the children in her care.  I taught bilingual children and frequently, I was a parent's first experience with American public schools.  I happily thought of myself as the American ambassador to these families and I worked hard for the interactions to be positive and encouraging.  I loved my job.  I loved speaking Spanish.  I loved the challenge of teaching 2nd graders--making literature come alive, guiding them as they learned new concepts, facilitating as they learned how to get along in a group and take pride of what we accomplished together.  It was good.  And then it came time to be a mom.

As a mom of 3 boys, I haven't "had the tiger by the tail" like I felt like I did teaching.  The good thing is that I've learned humility and the Lord has taught me many amazing lessons during this season.  A few:  asking for help is good and not to be ashamed of.  I don't have all the answers and that's OK.  There is more than one right way to do things.  Expecting perfection is not biblical--trusting God to be there during the mess is. 

Those are just the first lessons that come to mind.  What a blessing to look back at these past few years and see how the Lord has used my rowdy boys to sand down my sharp edges.  He's not done, but my role of parent is shifting.

This is where I explain the photo above.  As I'm looking at what I want in the next chapter of my life, the easy thing to do is be scared.  I like what's comfortable and fear the unknown.  Why?  Because I like control.  But, the Lord is calling me to trust Him as I step into the unknown. 

I often find that my emotional batteries get drained but when I do something to recharge them, it falls short.  Frustrating.  So, in an effort to figure out what does recharge my batteries, I'm keeping a journal. 

I got a gift card from Shutterfly for making calendars at Christmas so as I browsed, looking for a way to spend $15, I landed on the journals.  On the front cover, there's a picture of my whole family, a picture a me and Aaron and a silly one of me and #3.  I titled it "My Favorite Things" and I put a fave bible verse--"She is clothes in dignity and she smiles at the future.  Proverbs 31:24."  On the inside, I got dividers (super tricky to find at Target, but alas!  I found them) and labelled the 5 senses and one extra with a flower.  It's a place for me to record things I love. 

I've read that your tastes change every 7 years.  I've found that especially after pregnancy, I just prefer different tastes.  Used to love Dr Pepper, now it's too sweet.  I really like unsweet tea instead.  If you're wondering what the flower tab is for, suffice it to say that sensuality is an important part of what God created us to be.  Maybe I'll write more on that sometime, but that's all I'll go into today.

I'm enjoying my journal.  I'm also going to write goals and use it just to celebrate who Laura is now.

As I've written this my boys have been snacking on Valentine candy they got from church today.  I better wrap up before they get too much sugar ingested.

Jeremiah 29:11 promises that God has plans for a us--plans for a future.  I love resting in that promise.  Life doesn't end when a chapter ends.  My prayer is that I can prayerfully trust God as I venture into this unknown new chapter and with His guidance, I can grow into the woman He designed me to be.

Closet cleaning surprises

We moved 1 1/2 years ago.  Today I took the time to start cleaning out the shelves of my closet.  I've heard that you should do a closet clean out every 6 months.  I'm 2 cleanings behind, just since we've moved. 

In my defense, I do that with the seasonal clothes and shoes that I wear all the time, but I just look past the other 75% of the stuff in there.  Sad, really.  Oh well.  With 3 little kids running around and a husband that likes to work towards his dream of being a farmer, things like a tidy closet just don't make the top of the to do list.

So, I asked Aaron today if I could have some time alone to start working on my closet.  He suggested I work really hard on it for 10 minutes, cleaning out stuff I know goes somewhere else.  In 2 10 minute chunks, I got a ton done.  I feel really good about the progress.  I also get to go to The Container Store on a MDO day and I'm all kinds of pumped about that.  Seriously--I love that store.  Everything in there is so calm and peaceful.  I think my mansion in heaven will look just like that.  Nice thought.  I also found some sweet reminders of good times gone by.

Like clothes I got when I lived in Spain 11 YEARS AGO that I don't wear.  Lovely things, and yes, they still fit, but they're just out of the rotation now.  Into the Goodwill bag they went.  A pair of pointy toed boots with a ridiculous heel that I wore from time to time pre-kids but always hurt my feet.  Aaron isn't impressed with them, they're not really in style anymore and I'm past a point in my life where making my feet hurt is OK with me as a sacrifice for style.  But the best treasure was a little bag with hearts all over it.

When I had baby #3, a dear friend organized a shower for me.  He came a bit early--week 36--and even though all was well (thank the Lord for that blessing) she hadn't had time to finalize the party details.  So, we had a sip n see party where close friends could come by the house and visit.  It's ironic--I remember her bringing way too much food for the number of ladies who came and feeling let down that the attendance was so sparse.  But, she had them all write a little tidbit of advice for me.  Today I stumbled onto those tidbits.  What a blessing.  Sweet messages from friends that at that time were close to me, but now some of them I haven't seen in some time.  What a beautiful reminder of a precious moment in my life. 

I'm so glad I started cleaning out my closet.  Of course, much work remains to be done, but it's nice to take a moment and celebrate a cherished memory.

Remote controlled flops

This Christmas, the "it" toy for all 3 boys was the remote controlled cars.  I wasn't thrilled about more noisy things entering my home, but they got them.

There is a fire truck, a Thomas train and a monster truck.  All 3 worked great Christmas morn.  I got a fantastic picture.  And they've never worked well since.  Luckily, the boys don't really care and the dog thinks they are animals to be herded when they do work, so I'm not going to complain too loudly.

However, it made me have a moment of insight I thought I would share.

How many times has God given me a wonderful blessing and I've squandered it?  Just as the batteries run down in the cars making them not work, how many wonderful things in my life do I not really take advantage of for whatever reason?  Relationships limited by my own insecurities or just random weirdness on my side?  My marriage--the most amazing man chose to yoke his life with mine and do I fully invest in us, daily?  Living life fully--enjoying each moment, the good with the bad and thanking the Lord for it?

This morning at MOPs the speaker talked about intimacy in marriage.  She reminded us that just as we have to work to eat well, exercise, take care of our homes, discipline our kids, etc we have to work on keeping the intimacy alive in our marriages.  She's right.  What a good reminder.

I don't want my marriage to sound like the Thomas remote controlled train that makes weird noises and doesn't work much of the time.  However, if I would take the time to change Thomas' batteries, he would probably work just fine.  Still annoying, but a great little train.  I want my marriage to chug along happily as well.

Farming

There's a Super Bowl ad that Aaron showed me tonight that is really touching.  It's an ad for Dodge Ram pick-ups.  It has Paul Harvey's voice telling attributes of farmers--strength, devotion, gentleness, toughness and a willingness to do what has to be done.  Tears ran down my cheeks as I watched it.  It touched a deep part of me that reminded me of all that's good in America and a deep pride that I have for the farmers that came before us.  The fabric of our country is strong because of men and women who have worked hard to make a living and provide for their families.

The boys are often confused when I cry.  I told them it's not because I was sad but because the ad was really beautiful.  It touched my heart in a good way.  It reminded me of the qualities I love the most in Aaron--the ones I pray we'll teach our children.

Saturday night, we had our first birth on our farm.  We have 5 sheep--1 ram and 4 lambs.  The first lamb, Drivers License (named by #1), had a set of twins.  Very, very sweet.  The funny thing is that I felt really personally proud of us.  There is such a beauty and joy in birth. 

Tonight we went to visit the lambs as a family.  While we were there, Spot was timid and didn't want us to pet her.  Aaron caught her and I thought we were all have an "Ah, how sweet" moment with her until Aaron saw that she had a cut on her leg.  I'm still new to this farming thing--it's hard for me to separate that she's not a pet.  She's a baby--a helpless creature and it was hard to see her hurt.  I'm hoping all will be well and I trust Aaron to know how to handle the situation.

Boys had just been complaining that they were hungry and ready for supper.  I told them that when we have animals, we have to take care of them even when we might not want to do it.  They're our responsibility.

It just struck me tonight that we're farmers.  We are responsible for these animals.  The boys are learning that really important lesson.